Find out what happened next….

Last week I put a question or two to Emmy Award-winning stand-up comedienne, “Queen of Mean,” Lisa Lampanelli. Lampanelli appears at my local (Denver) Comedy Works Wednesday through Saturday, honing material for her upcoming Comedy Central special.

Lampanelli married for the first time a few weeks ago to a 300-pound Italian guy named Jimmy. Lampanelli’s act often included her dating life and her predilection for “enjoying” black men.

Will being married change your act?

Well, being married has its own stressors. Like one night I found myself getting jealous and I couldn’t figure out why I was angry. Jimmy was watching Jim Gaffigan (stand up comic) on TV. I realized that I was legitimately jealous because he was laughing at another comic. I’d rather he cheat on me than laugh at another comic. So no, there’s plenty of material and my act won’t change much.

What’s cool is that now I’ve got a 300 lb. body guard protecting me – I’ve gotten fearless.

So at 49-years-old, you got married a few weeks ago to a white guy. How many times has someone said to you, ‘Oh, no. Now ALL the black men on the planet are going to be heartbroken.’

From the day I started dating Jimmy I started talking about it on stage – you’ve got to put it out there. It’s tired by now, but what’s funny is that people say to him, ‘You’re white’ and he’s really a nice guy so he acts like it’s funny, like it’s the first time he’s heard that. But after about the 800th person …

You are completely uncensored and, in my estimation, gave women everywhere free reign to use any cussword any man’s ever used – and to talk, in public, and in colorful language, about sex. Who are your comedic inspirations and how are you she received by other comediennes?

I really was influenced by Dean Martin roasts. I was always a fan of roasting. And Howard Stern was an influence on how to be honest and not edit your self and just say it.

Kathy Griffin was terrific and Chelsea Hammer has been amazing. She’s helped me with deals and she has me on her show. Whitney Cummings, who is just coming up, was really nice.

Those women comics who are on a good, high, secure level are very receptive.

Sorry to circle back to your husband – but is he funny?

Oh, God, yes. And he doesn’t know it and that’s funny. He’s so funny I take him with me on radio shows because he can pick up the slack.

—More—

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It’s 105 degrees in the shade and I can barely make myself wear clothes, it is so damn hot (but I do — wear the clothes, that is — I’m not into getting arrested).
I’ve written about “Sassy Sangria” in the past — wherein I extoll all of the virtues of a sangria in the heat of the good ol’ summertime.
And I’ve alluded to a “friend” who makes something called “Trailer Trash Sangria” — Diet 7-up mixed with any old red table wine — poured over a large glass of ice. That “friend” was actually yours truly and the reason I didn’t reveal the identity of said “friend” was this: Though everyone drinks the hell out of my “Trailer Trash” mix — everyone, with equal relish, makes great fun of it all night long, especially as that night gets lubed with said TT sangria.
And I am vindicated! A Colorado winery that makes a dozen reds and some whites and a port and on and on had a party a few weekends back. Said winery put out some of those big “Costco-sized” clear refreshment dispensers — the kind that hold a dozen gallons of liquid and have a little spigot on them. I overheard the vintner instruct a co-worker to, “Mix the 7-up with the Sangiovese and put some ice in there and put it out for everyone.”
Holy hand-picked grape! A multiple-generation vintner tells a worker to mix a carbonated soft drink and some red wine and serve?
It may not be traditional, but when it’s 98 degrees in the shade and the thought of drinking anything but ice water seems ludicrous, sangria — made with soda pop or not — hits the spot.

And it turns out that “sangria,” at least in the eyes of those who live in Spain (where it originated) think the drink low-rent as well. One cynical “travel writer” wrote: “To the Spanish, sangria is a party drink and is there for one reason — to get you drunk very cheaply. There is no magical recipe to make perfect sangria. To make real sangria, you take the cheapest red wine you can get, the cheapest spirits in the supermarket (brandy, whiskey, anything will do) and the cheapest fruit that you have lying about — usually apples and oranges and peaches that are too mushy and old to eat. If it tastes gross (which it usually will) add something to take the taste away — sugar and cinnamon usually works.

“Sangria is to the Spanish what punch is to most of the English-speaking world: a great social lubricant at a big house party but something you wouldn’t dream of ordering in a bar. So, bar sangria is aimed almost exclusively at tourists and is charged appropriately — bar owners know foreigners will pay over the odds for sangria as they see it as being ‘Spanish.’”

The trick, it would seem then, to making a great summertime sangria is not so much about having some “sangria secret,” but about using simple red wine, some fruit, and a cavalier attitude. Having made a pitcher or two myself, I’ve learned that just about any dry, fruit wine works: Zinfandel, California Gamay, a dry Beaujolais — or any red table wine, preferably a cheap one.

And for those who find the idea of a soft drink mixed with a cast-off red, a bit too bourgeois, note the time-tested, excellent and “authentic” sangria recipe below.

Everyone else? Grab a pop-bottle opener and get mixin’.
Secret Family “Louisiana” Sangria Recipe

Prepare the day or evening before serving

2 chilled bottles inexpensive red wine (dry Beaujolais or from Spain’s Rioja region)
¼ to ½ c. Grand Marnier Liquor
2 oranges
1 Granny Smith apple
1 pear
1 lemon
1 liter cold club soda
chipped ice
Simple syrup:
1 c. sugar, 1c. water – dissolve together over a medium-low heat until clear; cool completely

Mix wine and simple syrup together. Add Grand Marnier and squeeze the juice of one orange into the mix. Slice and add the second orange, the apple and the pear. Squeeze about two tablespoons of juice from the lemon into the mix and add two slices of the lemon. Chill 24 hours. Pour into goblets filled with ice, leaving about ¼ of goblet empty. Top with club soda and slightly stir.

So BEA is next week and I KNOW that I’m suppose to be all in a tizzy about the “working’ part” of BEA, but can I just be REAL here for a second!?

My dress is now SOMEWHERE in Nordstrom’s “system,” the cream my aesthetician gave me to give me smooth arms for the sleeveless dress gave me hives, and a landscaper that was suppose to work on the fire-destroyed back yard while I’m in New York cannot be found.

I know. Whine, whine, wine, wine.

The truth is that Book Expo of America promises to be one of the most exciting moments in my life and my professional career. Hyperion Books is publishing my memoir, “Cheap Cabernet: A Friendship” on July 20, 2010 and I couldn’t be more thrilled if Jamie Foxx walked in the front door right now and asked me to leave town with him.

It’s a long time acomin’, this publishing thing, and when it did come, it brought with it some of the most wonderful people I’ve ever known — from my editor, Brenda, at Hyperion to my agent, Dorian, at William Morris, to my delightful and helpful publicist and marketing guy, Allison and Bryan.

How lucky can one girl be?

But I’ve been lucky before. The pics next to this first blog post give a glimpse into one of the most profound and life-changing relationships I’ve ever experienced. That relationship served as muse and fuel for “Cheap Cabernet.”

So do come back to this blog often. It’s one more vehicle for me to rant and rave and otherwise keep you posted on the progress of “Cheap Cabernet” — and life in general!

Read a good book. One that’ll make your heart sing. My experience is that a mind-blowing book “shifts” something profound in a person.

Now I have to pack!

Cathie

A Little on the Trashy Side, sung by Jerry Jeff Walker and written by Chris Wall, is one of the dee-LISH-ous songs in Cheap Cabernet.

“Hear” a bit of this classic when you read Cheap Cabernet’s Prologue, “Tommy Lee Jones’s Ass.”

Oh, yeah.

Ray Charles' It Shoulda Been Me

It Shoulda Been Me